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Relationships? So passe

December 11, 2009

I had dinner with a couple of girls last night and they wanted to talk about one thing and one thing only: how great it was to sleep with men and not want anything more. Not just that: breaking it to the men that there would be no more, and watching their faces fall. Looks like the gender roles have reversed, eh?

They’d both been in serious relationships for the bulk of their twenties. Unleashed now, following painful breakups, they are sowing wild oats like no woman under 25 could ever do. Fully equipped with the knowledge of what they like in bed, and the confidence to go after it, they’re tasting freedom from emotional bondage for the first time in years and they can’t get enough.

“We used to pity those girls that said they just had sex for fun,” they crowed, “but now we don’t. We are them, and it’s the best thing ever.” One of the girls recalled how, on spying a fit man for across the room, she went up to him, told him she planned to sleep with him, brought him home and ordered him to strip. “He loved it!” she said. “They love it. It’s great, I love it.” She also found out that when casually sleeping with a man, and making it clear she doesn’t want any more, the man is far more keen to please than her boyfriends ever have been – “the last one brought me tea in bed! Q never did that!” she said with glee. The other friend remarked with no trace of self-consciousness that one of her fuck-buddies was such a charmer and such good fun that he was always sleeping with lots of women at the same time. “I love him- he’s such fun,” she said, in reference to his liberal sex-having. Jealous? Feeling used? Forlorn? Not a bit of it – and I believed them, their cheeks glowing, the world in front of them, men falling before their every desire.

The trick – in my own experience – is to genuinely not want more after sex. That’s how to not get attached- you can’t fake indifference really. Also in my own experience, post-coital detachment is tricky if it was good. So what’s in it for them if the sex isn’t good? How can they not get attached if it is? The answer to a) is a laugh and a thrill (amen to that), and to b) – they’re getting so much good sex at the moment,  there’s no need to get weepy about it, for more will be on its way.

There was a little concern on the part of one of the girls about waking up at 35 and having no man or babies to show for all her fun – she’s only 28 now, but she admitted it keeps her up at night. The other one, though, says she thinks she might never have another relationship again- being single is just too much fun.

I was impressed. Samantha from SATC used to be a dream, an ideal, for women. Now it appears there are lots of her running about – amen to that.

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