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Not into you? Well then, why the “good night” texts?

January 14, 2010

I have spent much time wondering why guys go off us when they do. I’ve had countless odd fallings-off that leave me thinking: is there something wrong with me? Why does this happen to me just when they get to know me? Am I, weep weep, just ugly?Or too intense? Or what?

Small examples include the flirtatious French banker that was keen, hounded me with texts, kissed me both times we met, but then said he was too tired to invite me back to his. And the outrageously flirty friend of a friend who kept asking me out and then when I said yes, went off the radar. There were the guys I was seeing who, after three months, just drifted into ambivalence and coldness, just as I was beginning to think I was getting attached.

But then I forgot about these incidents as life took a different course. And I was reminded again of it the other day by a friend of mine who is a bit down on her luck in love. After a long period of loneliness she met a guy. She wasn’t sure about him at first – she enjoyed his company but he wasn’t a hottie and brutally, she wasn’t sure she’d feel proud introducing him to her friends. But then he was good company and smart, and the sex was quite good. So she allowed him to grow on her. Only instead of feeling grateful and happy to have won the affections of this quality girl, Shortie went distant after 3 months and said he couldn’t possibly do “this” if she pressured him (pressure was the expectation of one phone call a day). So she tried to save it but he said he wasn’t feeling it. Fed up and sad, she walked away.

Only to have a text that night: “Sweet dreams!”. And an invitation to lunch the next day.

What is he playing at? Is it the desire to keep her thirsting after him even when he doesn’t want anything? Is it just his ego? Or has he finally seen the light? All I know is that I’ve seen this kind of thing before – including with her (one guy who said he wasn’t up for a relationship liked to hold her hands under the stars but not to kiss her) – and I still don’t get it.

Any clues much appreciated.

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