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Maybe the cat ate his computer/phone/iPad/laptop/router

December 20, 2010

Hmm. Maybe he went on a sudden holiday to Timbuktu!

When the gentleman you had round the other night, and whom you rather liked (at least enough to see again), doesn’t do any of the following within a reasonable period of time (3-6 days, say): texted, emailed, facebook found, poked, messaged, tweeted, blog-commented, you can write it off.

You should write it off. You know you should. Because he’s JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.

Why, then, that irrational impulse that always pops up, the one that is so JUST NOT THAT INTO REALITY, and makes excuses which, when said out loud, sound pathetic and funny in equal measure?

I wanted to record a few here, following a serious rule-breaking piece of behaviour by me the other day in which I emailed someone who clearly had not called or texted. And who, on receiving my email (yes, he received my email – I mean, didn’t he, if we’re being honest and realistic? Yes, I’m sure he did), DID NOT REPLY. It’s been over 72 hours. In my world of insta-replies and joyous banter, that’s an ice age, right there.

So, those excuses. Just to keep tabs on behaviour/thought patterns that need a regular satirical check-up.

1. Maybe he suddenly went on holiday and couldn’t check his work email

2. Maybe there was an IT problem at work and all work email was suspended

3. Maybe he can’t check work email on his phone

4. Maybe he’s dead

5. Maybe my email went into spam (as gmail does. Yeah.)

6. Maybe he got the message and was so overawed by the desire to reply perfectly, expressing all those feelings that have been pent up for SIX DAYS, that he hasn’t worked up the guts to do so yet

7. Maybe he got the message and is spending all his spare time crafting the perfect response, complete with marriage proposal (ok, admittedly that would make it somewhat less perfect. Psychotic, even)

8. Maybe he broke his ankle in the snow and has been in hospital

9. Maybe he just didn’t see the email

10. Maybe he’s been super busy, so busy that one email or text would be far too time-consuming

And this…perhaps most deluded of all…

11. Maybe he’ll still get in touch

2 Comments leave one →
  1. December 20, 2010 10:24 am

    Maybe if my Aunt had balls she would be my Uncle?

    Happy Holidays.


  2. December 20, 2010 11:07 am

    Maybe he left your apartment and unwittingly walked into a breach in the time-space continuum that transported him to the age of dinosaurs and he was gobbled up, digested and excreted in little balls by a giant Megalosaurus.

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