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Is the old rule about not sleeping with someone on the first date still important?

January 22, 2011

Ooh, tricky one. But in reality, this one has ALWAYS been a “how long is a piece of string?” question. It depends on the quality of the sex, the attraction, and the person. Some men lose all interest in a woman because she’s slept with them on the first date. Appallingly, they’re just wired like that. To them, a woman is the mysteries of her vagina, and once he’s been inside, she’s no longer of particular interest. If you sniff he might be one of these (the signs can include traditional upbringing, perhaps a touch ego-centric, or obvious penis-led roguedom), play it safe. That said, you often can’t tell. But, as a lot of the men of which I asked this very question for my book, What the Hell Is He Thinking?, said: if you’ve slept with THEM on the first date, they’ve also slept with YOU on the first date. Men and women often react differently to sex, true, but the point is that most of the men I spoke to (they were nice guys, in general), said that not only would it necessarily be a turnoff, it could be a sign of real, explosive attraction. (NB: I know a few married couples who shagged on the first meeting.)

On balance, though, it’s risky. “Rules” aside, many men agree that it can set the bar too high too soon, leading to fizzling before you’ve had a chance to develop your passion. I can see what they mean even though I don’t see it the same way. Try holding out a bit – as far as I can tell, second date sex is vastly superior to first date sex. Third date sex is even better, and so on (well, no, after the third date it just gets tiresome to wait. We’re not in high school, after all.)

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